The new LTA app is going to solve all your taxi woes

Unless you’ve been living under a rock recently, you’ll know that digital lifestyle has gotten a serious shake-up with the greatest invention since the Internet: yes, boys and girls, it’s the Land Transport Authority (LTA)’s ground-breaking, earth-shattering app, Taxi-Taxi@SG.

The app uses revolutionary technology to show you in real time where there are free taxis plying the streets of Singapore. In a bold and creative move, the app has done away with the rather boring and passe function of actually booking a cab. That’s right: the sole purpose of this app is to tell you of all the free cabs you’re not in.

“We had been studying the market for years, and it was clear that the public was really frustrated with the whole Sorry no taxis are available thing and taxi uncles accepting the booking and then cancelling two minutes later,” explained someone from within the LTA, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “So we decided to scrap that antiquated function.”

Known for their love of jogging up and down the streets, Singaporeans on the whole are thrilled with the new product. “Last night, I was stranded late at night on Neil Road in a rainstorm, and GrabTaxi and Hailo had both failed me,” explained one PR professional decked in Prada. “Then I saw on Taxi-Taxi@SG that there were three free cabs at Outram Park! Score!” The lady went on to say that by the time she ran over to Outram Park in her stiletto heels, two of the taxis had been taken and the third was on a shift change journey to Pasir Ris. “No biggie. I was glad to have the workout,” she laughed.

“My grandmother is in love with app,” said another user. “She was sad that technology had ruined the time-honored practice of standing upstream and stealing a poor jerk’s cab.”

Neither Uber nor Comfort Delgro was available for comment when we tried to contact them. But we’re sure they’re quaking in their boots.