Ivan Heng in Jack and the Bean-sprout

The classic story Jack and the Beanstalk is about to be given a Singaporean twist. In this brand-new musical by W!LD RICE, Jack and his mother, Widow Neo, are in dire straits, with loan sharks already practicing their handwriting on their void deck. We chat up Widow Neo (played by Ivan Heng) for a lowdown on money issues and looking hip.
You look really hip. Where do you do your shopping?
Only the best for me—clothes by Gianni Bosacheng, shoes by Ferrarigamo, handbag by Herpes.
OK. What do you think makes a hip mother?
I don’t even try. Once you try to be hip, sure to fail. You got see those new MPs?
What happened to your husband?
People say the Giant made Roti John and ate him. But I think he ran away with my best friend, and they live in Batam.
Is it hard playing the roles of both the father and mother for Jack?
I work three jobs. In the day, I stuff pamphlets into HDB letter boxes —very siong now they have anti-junk lock. At night, I work at Lau Pa Sat as Singapore’s oldest Tiger Beer Girl. STB just gave me an award for balancing my big jugs. I’ve started pyramid selling—even though I have not seen a pyramid in my life.
What are your aspirations for Jack? Good grades or…
Jack is taking his N-levels for the third time. Last chance already. I think I might be barking up the wrong tree.
Well, do you believe in corporal punishment?
I have a boyfriend who likes to dress up as a corporal and he likes me to punish him. I like!!
Last question, what have the loan sharks done to you so far?
They say I die die must service my loan. So I service them lor!