1. Everyone Else Is
Whether you do or not, the rest of the planet sees the World Cup as a big deal. The football fiesta in Brazil will be broadcasted in nearly 200 countries, even more than the last World Cup, when a whopping 3.2 billion people tuned in. So even if you responsibly skip the alcohol-fuelled late nights (most of the matches start after midnight in Singapore), no one else in your office will. Why should you be picking up all the slack while your colleagues wander around like sleepdeprived zombies for a month?
2. It’s in Brazil
Brazilians quite like football. In fact, it’s not really an exaggeration to say it’s the life blood of the nation. As a result, they are more than a bit excited about it returning to their shores for the first time since 1950. They also happen to be quite good at the old kick ball and so most Brazilians, from Rio to Manaus, already believe that their boys in green and gold are predestined to win a sixth title come the final on Sunday, July 13. If they do, it could be the biggest party the world has ever seen. If they don’t, the fallout could be just as seismic (and potentially just as fascinating to watch for the rest of us).
3. Dark Horses
Every tournament has its share of rank outsiders that manage to shock the big boys and have an aweinspiring run (that ultimately ends in glorious failure). South Korea, Bulgaria, Turkey and Uruguay have all stepped up to the plate in recent competitions. Belgium is a likely candidate this year, full of exciting players like Romelu Lukaku and Eden Hazard. Croatia has the talent if it can get out of its group, while Greece is well-known for sheer stubbornness. Chile is not exactly packed with household names but has been beating England and running Germany very close in recent friendly matches and should enjoy playing so close to home. Keep an eye also on the technical Japan side and maybe, just maybe, the Didier Drogba–led Ivory Coast.
4. New Balls to Blame
Every World Cup, FIFA introduces a new football so kids everywhere can harass their parents to go out and spend a small fortune buying a replica. It also allows the players, pundits and commentators to bang on endlessly about how it travels through the air funny, is too light, too heavy, smells odd, et cetera. This tournament, it’s the Adidas Brazuca which has undergone numerous rigorous field tests, but will still no doubt be cited as the reason that a particular goalkeeper threw the ball into his own net and a striker managed to send it into outer space instead of the open goal.
5. Greatness in the Making
The World Cup offers a global stage for the planet’s very best players to shine. Who’s it gonna be this time around? Will the one-man show that is Cristiano Ronaldo propel Portugal to the title? Can the twinkle-toed magician Lionel Messi finally find his Barcelona form for Argentina, or will the hard-running dynamism of Bastian Schweinsteiger help the fancied German team capture the cup on South American soil for the first time? Neymar for Brazil and Robin van Persie for the Netherlands are some of the others tipped to take the tournament by storm. Watch this space.
6. Hotties
As well as being the spiritual home of football, Brazil is also the home of carnival. This heady mix of football and fiesta is going to be in full effect inside the 12 World Cup stadia and should be a feast for the eyes and ears. Even if you couldn’t care about the matches, we can guarantee there’ll be plenty of long panning shots of the crowd, with TV producers eager to seek out all those scantily clad senhoritas and senorhas doing the samba on the terraces. So who cares if it’s 3am? Pour yourself a stiff caipirinha, get into the party mood and have a good ogle.
7. Global Talking Points
Every World Cup has those defining moments that transcend the sport and make global news. Zidane’s head butt in the 2006 final, Diego Maradona’s 1986 Hand of God goal (and his subsequent drug shame), to name just two. Don’t be the one who missed that flying Kung Fu kick, the shocking disallowed goal or the diplomatic crisis that got the world talking. Oh, and just to add some further edge: there’s a good chance of anti-government protesters rioting on the streets this year, putting Brazil on the front as well as back pages.
8. Teams from Crazy Dictatorships
North Korea had the honor last time, with rumors that their players were tortured and received a six-hour tellingoff for embarrassing the nation’s proud ideological struggle by losing all three of their games in South Africa. While we’d love to give the title to Russia this year, the distinction probably falls on Iran, the country that everyone loves to sanction. Unfortunately for viewers, they didn’t get drawn against the USA and will struggle to get out of group containing the hotly fancied Argentina. What fate will then befall their unlucky players at home?
9. Technological Advancements
Despite all the money, football has remained wonderfully archaic. All major decisions have been made by a middle-aged man chasing the ball around with a pair of wheezing assistants holding natty flags. But FIFA might finally be waking up to the possibility that the ref can occasionally get it wrong and is introducing new gizmos to help him out. First is goal line technology to see if the ball really has crossed the line, potentially ending hours of arguments in pubs across the world. More exciting, however, is the use of a vanishing spray to mark the 10-yard line where teams defending free kicks need to stand. We can’t wait to see how referees will work out what ten yards is, though. A measuring tape? A ruler? Or just guessing, like always?
10. Musical (Dis)harmony
Music and football seem to have a natural affinity. Every tournament has its official song, and Brazil’s is delightfully terrible. “We Are One (Ole Ola)” by Pitbull, featuring Jennifer Lopez and Claudia Leitte, has such insightful lyrics as “Put your flags up in the sky (put them in the sky), And wave them side to side (side to side).” Then there are the embarrassing team songs, often accompanied by a video of the players looking awkward and uncomfortable while singing about how they are going to win the cup this time, even when they know they’re not. Then there’s the real backing track from the terraces at the matches. Last time, it was the deafening buzz of the vuvuzelas. This time will surely be hypnotic drums beating out a seductive samba rhythm—we hope.
11. Last Good World Cup
Alas, despite all this, the World Cup is losing its luster faster than a penny in a sewer drain. As well as ridiculous plans to increase the number of countries competing and ensuring an overblown event full of meaningless and mismatched fixtures, the next two host nations hardly get the pulse racing. First up in 2018 is Russia, known for its love of gays, overwhelming hospitality at Sochi and current plans to annex most of Europe. Then there’s Qatar in 2022, equally beloved for its exceedingly kind treatment of laborers, a total absence of footballing pedigree and temperatures so hot that players will be too busy trying not to spontaneously combust to actually play. So enjoy Brazil while you can, guys.
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How to Watch the Game
From the anti-social to the downright touchy-feely, here are three ways to get your game on.
1. On your own telly
Singtel has (predictably) secured broadcast rights for the event and is offering a 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil package for (predictably) exorbitant price of $105 (excluding GST). On the bright side, all 64 matches will be both streamed live and on-demand on tablets and smartphones via the mio TV GO app. If you’re signing up or extending your Gold Pack or mio Stadium+ contract, then lucky you—you get the matches for free.
2. With strangers at bars
Throwing back pints and yelling at the screen with a bunch of fellow soccer addicts? Best thing in the world. Head to watering holes screening the big game this year, like Harry’s at Esplanade, The Penny Black Victorian London Club and Bar Bar Black Sheep. See our list of more places to catch the World Cup.
3. At the CCs
Up for some grassroots bonding? Get together with the rest of your block and watch matches at community clubs all over Singapore (30 to be exact). There’s lots of places to consider, from the heartlands like Bedok (850 New Upper Changi Rd., 6442-5317), to central locations like Toa Payoh (93 Toa Payoh Central, 6252-1249). And if that’s not enough (really?), have some more fun during fringe activities like soccer-related contests. Visit www.pa.gov.sg for more details.
PLUS: Where to get your morning-after coffee and get your Southern hemisphere tamed with a Brazilian… wax.
