A recent I-S poll revealed that 92% of Singaporean mothers were disappointed by the gestures of love their children made on Mother’s Day earlier this month. The big complaint? Not viral enough.
“I just don’t understand,” said a visibly distraught Mrs Ho at a focus group. “They took me to brunch, and then we took a selfie of them kissing me on the cheek. It only got 89 likes! I’ve never been more humiliated in my life. Would it have killed those ungrateful brats to arrange for Pokka to deliver me some unsweetened green tea via drone and then share it with the world on YouTube?”
As sentimental, sponsored videos of humanity at its most one-dimensional gain unprecedented viewership online, we are witnessing a shift in what humans think of as love. A social scientist for the Big Love Brand-Building Institute shared some recent findings. “Cuddles and affectionate declarations simply no longer release the same kind of oxytocin and endorphins as knowing that thousands, preferably millions, of people online witnessed the perfect love you share with your child, spouse and, of course, your preferred multinational brand.”
Indeed, with parental expectations at an all-time high, youngsters are increasingly being forced to seek financial and strategic support from big companies and industry experts to execute the perfect campaign. One senior at Tanglin Trust School admits she recently traded her two full-time nannies in for a Marcomm Exec and “some guy who says he can get me to number one on Vine in a week.”
And with just three weeks left until Father’s Day, the sons and daughters of Singapore have another chance to get it right. The offices of all the big-name brands have been flooded with requests by individuals seeking corporate sponsorship for the big day.
And it’s not just the likes of Coke and Google they’re seeking out. One earnest young Singaporean man has been camped out in front of Brand’s headquarters for more than a week in the hopes of securing a deal. “I’m not always the best son,” he said sheepishly. “This is my one and only chance to make it right. If I can’t get Essence of Chicken to sponsor Father’s Day with my dad, how will everyone know that I do sort of love him?”
