You ever think Singapore’s standards might be just a little too high? In a country that tops out at six inches above sea level we understand the need to get high somehow, someway. But this really isn’t the way to go about it. If it’s not a temporary and entirely ordinary subway breakdown causing nationwide tut-tutting, it’s a crisp packet somewhere in the heartlands being held up as an example of how the whole country is going to the dogs. (It’s only a matter of time before the dogs themselves unionize and start complaining.) And the latest topic to fail to measure up to our impossibly high standards? Sex.Yes, sex. The thing man’s been doing since the dawn of time. The thing we’re biologically built for. The thing that makes the world go round (and the ceiling, if you do right).But no, sex, or at least the sex we’re having, doesn’t meet with our approval here in Singapore. It’s just not up to scratch. Or lick or bite or even tickle.According to a recent Durex survey, we’re second worst in the world when it comes to sexual satisfaction. Nearly a third of people surveyed here reported that they are unsatisfied between the sheets; that their partners are not up to the job in hand.What to do? The team behind the study recommends we “experiment and communicate more.” That sounds like high-school science (plus we don’t remember getting much satisfactory action back then). We could rebrand it as a competitive national campign: S.E.X. Singaporeans Exceeding Xpectations.We could remind people that the only thing worse than not coming in the bedroom is not coming first in a survey, and exhort everyone to try just a little bit…harder. But wouldn’t it just be easier to lower our standards? To get down and embrace getting dirty instead of shying away from it? Stop expecting it to rock your world and settle for a gentle shaking of the bedposts. Forget about it changing your life and learn to love changing the sheets afterwards.Just remember that if you’re going to moan it should be in the bedroom, not in a questionnaire. And the next time you’re asked if you’re content, look around you (ignore that stray crisp packet, that overdue train and that useless partner of yours) and tick the box marked Yeeeees!
