Right now, everyone’s busy wishing everyone else a prosperous new year. But in these cheerful days of reunions, slap-up banquets and fond reminiscences, spare a thought for the marginalized, disenchanted few; our politicians. Those brave men and women who brave sub-30 degree temperatures to cut ribbons; those who do not stand idly by when the Chingay Parade approaches but instead step up and wave; those dedicated, selfless souls who do not falter when it comes to announcing that there’s going to be a new expressway.Prosperity is a word close to the hearts of these troubled men and women, as they face the prospect of being proscribed a less prosperous future. Ministerial pay packets are to be cut, bonuses reworked, allowances downsized, pension schemes removed. No longer will there be talk of MPs earning rockstar salaries, merely those of your workaday, internationally-acclaimed pop idols.So what are they to do? How can these humble heroes continue to enjoy the lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed? How can they ensure the Year of the Dragon doesn’t swallow them whole?1. Visit Malaysia. Apparently DBS and POSB are just giving away cash there these days.2. Get a second job. Indonesia is to stop sending us maids by 2017. That’s plenty of time to learn the ropes (and the dishcloths and toilet brushes).3. Head over to Marina Bay Sands for a quick and dirty game of “pension poker.”4. Bring back the veterans to do their job for them. If Thierry Henry can still score for Arsenal, then maybe having the likes of Chiam See Tong in the frontline once more would help take the pressure off.5. Sell themselves. Last week’s Elephant Parade auction was a great success. They might be a little forgetful, but our MPs make a much better bargain than a porcelain pachyderm.6. Retrain as cabbies. A salary pegged to taxi fares, not top earners, is surely a much safer bet.7. Invest wisely. Forget your crude oil and your crass gold, the top commodities performer of 2011 was none other than… milk. Buy a cheap plot in Punggol, ship in 40 head of cattle, and a cushy retirement beckons!8. Read the obituaries like a hawk. Who knows when an estranged relative might leave their riches ready for plunder?
