To: All of You [mailto: [email protected]]From: Us, the maligned many, the frustrated hordeSent: Frequently, until you change your waysSubject: The New Rules of EmailWe figure we should give you this heads up now, since it’s probably only a matter of time before all of Singapore is sharing the same office. Not that we’re looking to get into the start-up game (though we did have a wicked idea for a smartphone with a built-in, expandable umbrella—neat, right?), but cost-cutting and downsizing being what it is, we’re assuming sweatshop won’t be such a dirty word in 2012.Anyway, manners matter, even when we’re not sharing the same space. So it’s important to set some ground rules now, when there’s this polite distance between us. Once we’re sat opposite each other, woe betide you if you cc us on emails we don’t need to see. The recent Email Charter (http://emailcharter.org) was a great start, but there are a couple of issues closer to home that we’d also like to address.1. Please stop sending us “warm” reminders. Singapore’s warm enough already. If we want something warming we’ll head to Subway, thanks. Same goes for “gentle,” “soft” and “easy” reminders. That’s just passive-aggressive, and you know it. Want our attention? Send a “Stab you in the thigh ‘til you agree to come to my launch party” reminder if you must. We would, however, warmly remind you of one thing: If the party’s any good, we won’t need reminding.2. NNTR is indeed a great way of signing off to make it clear that there’s “No Need to Reply;” but an acronym like that isn’t going to impress anyone here. Be honest and go with IJWTMOYLDI or “I Just Wasted Three Minutes Of Your Life Didn’t I?” instead.3. Colors, people. Yes, we know you like painting your face in neon at ZoukOut, but please refrain from doing the same to your email signature. It just makes us want to vomit. And the last time we did that was … ahem… at ZoukOut.
