There’s a scene in JJ Abrams’ latest movie, Super 8, in which all the town’s dogs are seen running away, abandoning their owners to the fate they don’t yet know is coming. (Incidentally, we give the film a 0 star. Other staff members swear it’s an impressive, if somewhat imperfect, 4 star effort, marked with flashes of real genius. But hey, that’s joy of not being ruled by the consensus.) Anyway, the dogs run away because they’ve sensed something the townsfolk are yet to cotton on to. We won’t spoil the surprise, but we will say this: Isn’t it about time we found a similar solution here?If you read the dailies, we’re under siege from all kinds of critters. Stray cat numbers may have declined by more than half since 1998, but the war between those who want them put down and those who want to pick them up still rages; with sterilization proffered as a humane alternative to culling. In the north of the island, illegal traps laid down for wild boar are maiming stray dogs; and catching and killing marauding monkeys and pangolins into the bargain.Such cruel and unusual punishment has no place in our modern, first-world society. Mass expulsion, though, is another story. Since we’re not living in an Abrams Universe (more’s the pity, as life would be even more fun if it were like Alias), we can’t bank on the arrival of a CGI monster to scare them away any time soon (oops, that was the spoiler we promised not to reveal). But perhaps we could look into installing a giant dog whistle on Bintan, or smearing the Malaysian coast with catnip. Got a boar problem in your neighborhood? Load a boat with truffles and set sail slowly into the sunset.But what to do about all the other animals that’ll be left behind to cause problems of their own? To put it another way: Minus the cats, what becomes of the rats? The answer’s simple: We need our very own Pied Piper. Someone who can lead the animals off the island, take them out of sight and out of mind. The risk that he takes the nation’s screaming youngsters with him? While perhaps that’s a price worth paying. It’d certainly make going to the movies a more pleasurable experience…
