Animal Kingdom

Singapore should be next stop for the most famous mouse on earth, if the proposal to open Disneyland at the Marina Bay Golf Course near Tanjong Rhu and the Integrated Resorts (IR) takes off. This is exciting news for fans of the beloved cartoon character, who no longer have to fly to Hong Kong to watch Mickey and company live in action, or wait for the annual Disney On Ice performance to come to town. Finally, Mickey Mouse, all year round (authorized Disney merchandisers are going to have a field day with this one), and a local mega theme park to call our own, too (Downtown East does NOT count, by the way). If it actually happens, just imagine the possibilities. Here’s what we want to see in our very own Disneyland, “Uniquely Singapore”-style.• Have our own scaled down version of “Magic Mountain,” and rename it “Bukit Magic.”• Instead of children, have a bunch of animatronic middle-aged, half-drunk men and women singing on the “It’s A Small World” ride from a karaoke machine.• Have budget versions of all fun rides that are not air-conditioned, and where there’s no queuing. It’s just free for all.• Encourage everyone to play “Land of Lotteries,” where every ride gives you a chance to win cash prizes of up to $25,000, and be an instant T.T. Durai.• Families and tai-tais to indulge themselves in the Mad High Tea Party, an endless free desert buffet spread featuring lots of cookies, jellies and chocolates modeled after Disney characters.• Rename the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride to “Pirates of the Void Decks,” and feature our local pirated DVD and VCD sellers.• An Orchard Towers type refuge for mom and dad, filled with bars and clubs, run by Snow White’s vertically challenged companions. It’ll affectionately be nicknamed Four Floors of Dwarves.• Have a raunchy restaurant (a la Hooters) where, instead of tight shorts and tops, waitresses will dress up as Pocahontas.• Open a hawker center in the middle of the park, with dishes like Donald Duck Rice and Little Mermaid fish head curry.• Have Disney taxis to take you around the park, with Donald Duck driving and complaining about how Mickey Mouse can’t govern Disneyland properly.• Have an integrated resort as part of the park, where cartoon characters have to pay $100 just to enter.