Ban ’em all

Now that the campaign to ban the movie The Da Vinci Code from audiences under 16 years-of-age is a complete success, it is time to aim for a much more ambitious goal.We must next urge a complete ban on all stories beginning with the words “once upon a time.” It does not matter whether the stories are presented in book, film, video, cartoon or any other form. The same basic reason applies.The continued promulgation of such stories could pull apart our united society, which is founded upon certain shared beliefs. Those immensely pervasive “once upon a time” stories tend to contradict and deny our society’s critical belief in scientifically provable realities. This belief will be undone by stories of magic, witches, dragons, genies, fairies, dwarves, three-headed dogs, giant beanstalks and coaches which turn into pumpkins at midnight. This is a short list. There are more, lots more, of such false beliefs—and they all need to be banned.This need is especially urgent when “once upon a time” stories are presented in movie form. There are several reasons for this urgency. Movies appeal to the masses, are readily available to everyone, and create deep impressions on their audiences. These factors give movies the power to divide society into bitterly opposed factions, causing great harm. This is why “once upon a time” movies should banned—completely.It is especially important to apply this ban to child audiences. Children, being children, are inherently incapable of distinguishing fiction from fact. They will become seriously and permanently estranged from the real world if we expose them to “once upon a time” stories. Hence, it is in their best interests that “once upon a time” stories be completely banned from them.However, there is one important exception. It is completely safe to expose children to stories about people who claim themselves to be gods. This is because such stories are absolutely, completely and unqualifiedly TRUE.Indeed, we should set up an organization to push for a comprehensive ban on “once upon a time” stories. We could call this organization the Righteous and Enlightened Society for the Prevention of Extreme Cruelty to Truth, or RESPECT.