So we’re playing China in our first group game in the World Cup soccer qualifying campaign. Aside from the mismatched size of the talent pool, initial concerns center on the fact that the match will be played in the southwestern city of Kunming. Now Kunming’s a lovely place, full of open spaces and cheery university students. Damn good noodles, too. But there’s one hitch: It’s 1,900m above sea level. That means a rather rarified atmosphere; and hard work for anyone not used to it. Now we’re not saying China’s being underhanded here—they could have picked Tibet, after all—but our lads are certainly going to have their work, and their breath, cut out for them.So what should the brave Lions do to ready themselves?• Rebrand. Henceforth, the national team is to be known as the Singapore Mountain Lions. Who cares if it’s a fiction? You’d be amazed what a clever bit of marketing can do for morale. Besides, we all know male lions are lazy bastards—only occasionally looking up from a meal to scope out the talent. Not so the mountain lion; all coiled aggression, prowling hunger and sudden strikes.• Shut Up. Seriously, stop talking. What’s that? Just shut up. Right now. You’ve got 3 weeks to conserve all the oxygen you can. Choose your words carefully; and then don’t bother saying them. You think you have something interesting to say? Save it. Take plenty of deep breaths. Take care not to waste precious air. Hell, take a vow of silence.• Oxygenate. If ever there’s a time to risk falling for the snake-oil salesmen, this might be it. So what if water wouldn’t be water without oxygen—it’s time to try extra-oxygenated water. Or start sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber. Or in scuba gear. No remedy is to be overlooked. No quack to be ignored.• Live it Up. Sounds counter-intuitive, huh? That’s just us thinking outside the box; that’s just how we roll. We all know football players like to have some extracurricular fun; so why not incorporate some sky high partying into their regime? We’d like to see 1-Altitude, Ku Dé Ta and New Asia Bar all come together and offer special drinking promos to those brave Mountain Lions; so that their feet don’t touch the ground until Kunming comes around.
