Has the novelty of F1 finally worn off? With the race coming only days after scientists announced they may have found particles travelling faster than the speed of light, throwing our understanding of the entire universe into question, Sebastian Vettel’s 300km/hour begins to sound a little tame. The papers tried their hardest to stoke interest, but when you’re reduced to talking about the number of extra hotel beds filled over the weekend, there’s a tendency for your readers to…well…fall asleep. The safety car was deployed…again…and you can’t help wondering if the event’s 3,180,000 wattage lights might just have dimmed a little.There’s at least one more year left on the current contract though, so the question is how to raise excitement levels next time around? Promising people “thrills, spills and roaring engines” just won’t cut it anymore. Promising them one or more of these just might:Battle of the Bottle Buyers. Brought to you by Johnnie Exclusive Amber Poolside Jet Black Podium Party People. The logistics for this are already in place; it’s just a case of redirecting the cameras. Rather than shots of blurred wheels and burnt rubber, the eyes of the world fall on the city’s premium party venues to see which open-shirted, full-of-himself Euromoron can quaff the most bubbly, while LMFAO’s “Champagne Showers” plays on loud and incessant repeat. Extra points awarded for drinking straight from the bottle; an instant win for the first guy to buy a Jeroboam and ride it like a horse.Out the Tout. Part of the problem is that however hard they try, F1 organizers just can’t deliver an event for all the family. Too much noise, too many people. But here’s a game that kids and grannies alike can play, without even entering the circuit park! Spotted a skinny Brit in a painfully tight baseball cap? Or a fat guy in a 2005 Chelsea away shirt? Did they sidle over and whisper something you couldn’t quite hear but which ended with the word “pal”? Do they have $100 bills sticking out of their shiny tracksuit pockets? Report them to the authorities to collect your prize!Rogue Racers. Instead of the tedious qualifying sessions on Saturday, why not open up the track to corporate sponsors? They’ve paid enough for it, after all. Gladiatorial combat might be overdue a comeback thanks to Game of Thrones, but until then let’s make do with a game of hare and hounds. Naughty boys Kweku Adoboli and Jérôme Kerviel get a five minute headstart on former UBS CEO Oswald Gruebel and other banking dons. Refereed by Singapore’s own poster boy for financial malpractice, Nick Leeson.
