Dear Singapore Land Authority (SLA) and Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA),First things first. Have you ever considered formally combining forces? You could be the Urban Redevelopment of Singapore’s Undeveloped Land Authority, or URSULA for short.Now on to more serious matters. It has come to our attention that you have recently come into possession of a rather special plot of land. It’s somewhat narrow, sure, and you’ll want to do something about those useless metal tracks running the length of it; but it offers good access to, well, pretty much the entire island and can’t be beaten for a true back-to-nature vibe.There’s been a lot of talk about what you’re going to do with it, and we’re heartened—nay, thrilled—that the proposal for a Green Corridor is being taken seriously. But let’s not make any hasty decisions, eh? There was never any great rush about the place when it was still functional, so why start now? Take your time, let the flowers grow through the cracks, and consider carefully what to do next. Herewith we humbly submit a few alternative suggestions.A new running track Let’s face it—MacRitchie just doesn’t cut it anymore. That 11km loop just isn’t enough for today’s ultra, mega, super-duper athletes. Give them 38km of rough pebbles to run on and they’ll be happy. Hell, some of them would probably volunteer to carry other people the length of it, just to increase their training load. Who needs real trains to ferry people to Woodlands?A Pink Corridor There’s a longstanding tradition in London that gay folk gather in the last carriage of the last tube train on a Saturday night. After the success of Pink Dot here the other week, it’s clear these party people need somewhere to gather more regularly. Why not give ’em an old train and let them ride the rails to their hearts’ content? Singapore’s always looking for new records to brag about, and this way we could lay claim to the World’s Longest Pride March.A new expressway You’ve probably not thought of this, but that’s some pretty prime real estate you’ve got there. And it’s shaped like a road already. Do we really need yet more parkland? We’re talking to you, URA—you’re the urban authority, remember, not the Bucolic Countryside Peasants’ Association. What’s that? You’re just not sure how to come up with yet another acronym for yet another road project? Good news, friends. The hard work’s already done! It’s already got one. It’d be the KTM Expressway, where KTM stands for Kill the Many dreams we have for the place.
