I Might Be Back

So Arnold Schwarzenegger was a no-show at the official opening of Universal Studios last weekend. Poor guy’s got a lot on his plate right now, what with the admission he fathered a love child, a collapsing marriage and having to withdraw from the next Terminator flick, but frankly none of that is an excuse for sending Paula Abdul in your place. One’s an idol to wannabe stars worldwide, the other’s a wannabe star for would-be idols—no contest. Adding insult to injury, Arnold’s one-time nemesis Lou Ferrigno, aka The Hulk, was in town the weekend before to speak at The National Achievers Congress, a kind of über pep talk for people who see nothing strange about sitting still and listening quietly while being told how to be more assertive.The Governator has long since proved himself as immune to criticism as he is to knives and stabbing weapons, so we suppose there’s not much point registering a complaint. Still, fearful that it wasn’t just Universal Studios that missed out, we submitted a Freedom of Information request for a peek at the big man’s schedule. Here’s what else Arnold Schwarzenegger didn’t attend that week.The Sundown Marathon. Surely an opportunity missed here. The host’s voiceover from The Running Man—“It’s time to start… running!”—would have made the perfect introduction. And no-one would have got lost in the dark if they had the Austrian Oak to follow along the trail.Privé’s launch of their new Josper barbecue grill, which its owner reckons will deliver the best steaks in town. Rumor has it that Arnold’s invitation was withdrawn when he was heard muttering, “If it bleeds, we can kill it!” at the dress rehearsal.Mad Thrills feat. Inquisitive at Zirca. No surprise really, given that the guys promise a night of “tongue wagging mayhem.” With all the rumors circling around him right now, that’s the last thing he needs. Still, it would have been nice to see him shake that body of his: You know, the one Clive James famously described as looking like a “condom stuffed with walnuts.”The inaugural I-S Glam Cham at Drink Culture. It was a lot of fun, our first networking and mixer event, and we secretly hoped he might pop by. For one thing, we hear he’s a huge fan of basil caipiroskas. Sadly, it wasn’t to be. Though, to be fair, no-one checked whether he got waylaid in Duxton.