Mr KIA May 6

Dear Mr KIA,
One of my closest pals just got jail time for DUI (Driving Under the Influence). Eighteen whole months— can you believe it? While partying’s never fun without him, I don’t feel inclined to join him in the pen but I still want to drive my Volkswagen GT I to the clubs (how else am I going to score the chicks?). Is there anyone who’ll drive my car and take me home when I’m drunk?—Cruisin’ for a Boozin’

Dear CB,
You are severely deluded. This is Singapore. No matter which club you go to, someone will always trump your car. Our roads are like tarmac runways for ridiculous-sounding Lambhorginis, Porsches and Maseratis—you don’t stand a chance. But if you’re persistent (whatever, dude), call Drive U Home (9658-4033, to, well, drive you home in your car for $38. Additional drop-offs (if you have to use this service, you’re pathetic) cost $10-20 each. Elite Valet (9776-1118) and Cham Valet (#15-07 High Street Centre, 1 North Bridge Rd., 9767-1771, provide the same services. Call them if you want to talk money and insurance.