New Year’s Resolution Contract

This year, I, promise to: 

  • Quit complaining about taxis and use the bus more often.
  • Refrain from ever using the word “artiste”.
  • Look up from my phone when talking to staff at 7-Eleven.
  • Call bullshit on mixologists who make me come up with my own drink.
  • Quit complaining about buses and get on a bicycle more often.
  • Show half as much love for old people as I do for dismembered kittens.
  • Argue about something other than food. Drinks, maybe.
  • Hold politicians to their word.
  • Have sex more often. With whoever I choose, and without a care for procreation.
  • Visit another country; so that I never ever complain about any form of public transport ever again.

Signed by: The Little Red Dot

Witnessed by: Anyone who’s ever spent time here.