A Pinch of Salt

A big week for science this. Researchers at our very own Institute of Materials Research and Engineering have figured out a way to boost the storage capacity of hard disks sixfold, with the help of what team leader Joel Yang calls a ‘salty developer solution’; Basically—and bear with us here, while we get super-technical—they added (or, to use scientific jargon, “spilt”) some table salt into the solution everyone else was using, and ta-da! Hard-drives that can store six times more porn, every last episode of Star Trek and forty-four million cute cat JPEGs. And if that’s not progress, then what is?Let’s dig a little deeper into the local research journals and see what other amazing advancements have been made of late.Crowdsourcing Determines The Perfect Number of Taxis For Any Given Scenario. A triumph for the common man, who recently deciphered a problem that had defeated multinational corporations, the PAP and even the cab companies themselves. Breath-taking in its elegant simplicity, the answer is always “way more than we currently have.”Beermats Last Theorem finally solved. First posited in 1637, this conundrum states that three pints can never resolve the equation average looking guy + uninspired conversation = success with women anywhere other than at Butter Factory. But a team of crack biologists now claim to have unearthed evidence of similar behavior patterns in clubs across the city.Impossi-ball Developed to Guarantee Victory at the SEA Games. After years of frustration and smashed-up TV sets, scientists at NUMSKULL (the National University of Mediocre Soccer Kickers and Underachieving Little Lions) have invented a football that can only be kicked by Singaporeans. If a foreign national is detected within fifteen feet of it, the ball lights up and issues an electronic warning demanding to know what contribution they can make to society, before exploding in a hissy fit of self-righteousness.