Taking the High Road

So, Malaysia’s Genting International just won the bid to build the much-anticipated Integrated Resort (IR) on Sentosa Island, triumphing over international competitors like Kerzner International and Las Vegas’s Eighth Wonder. This is a step forward for Singapore and Malaysia, as both countries have wanted to collaborate and work together closely to rekindle strained ties. “Genting submitted the most compelling proposal overall that best meets our economic and tourism objectives,” says Singapore Deputy Prime Minister S Jayakumar of Genting’s successful formula.Skeptics, however, are concerned whether Singapore is going to get B-grade attractions like the ones they have in Genting Highlands, including the roller-coaster ride called…stop the presses…Flying Rollercoaster. After all, we find it hard to think of anything more embarrassing than having one of our local attractions be referred to as “Genting-lite.” Helpful (and terribly opinionated) Singaporeans that we are, we decided to come up with a list of attractions based on the original Genting ones, but with a touch of Singaporean pizzazz:• Those dizzying vertical drops of Space Shot? Purely for amateurs. Let’s see visitors survive a jerky ride that’s similar to one of our public buses, complete with frighteningly sudden stops that’ll toss you (and your lunch) forward in your seat.• SnowWorld’s a little passé and predictable. We’d feature an attraction that randomly exposes visitors to all of Singapore’s crappy weather conditions from blistering sunlight to depressing rains–and, if you’re really lucky, you might even be in time to catch the “haze” segment.• Sky Venture simulates the adrenalin-pumping experience of sky-diving–an activity that lots of people would love to try, but don’t dare. Well, there are quite a number of Singaporeans who’d love to migrate, but never seem to get around to it, so we’d have an attraction that allows them to pretend that they’re actually leaving the country, called The Quitter’s Show.• We were disappointed by Genting’s 4D Motion Master Theater. Talk about false advertising–there wasn’t one lucky digit in sight! Instead, we’d much rather have a cinema screen that actually generates random, sure-winning 4D numbers. Not terribly exciting, but we guarantee a full house every time!• Its Haunted Adventure theme ride, featuring ghastly images drawn from horror films, is nothing compared our very own Singaporean Adventure, where visitors get to see the scary side of Singaporeans—like penny-pinching and tissue-dropping ones found at hawker centers.• Genting’s X-Pedition Wall is nothing like we’ve ever seen before. We should have our very own X-tra Cut-Out Coupon Wall, where those who actually manage to climb to the top are the entitled to discount coupons from Courts Megastore, NTUC Fairprice and Kopitiam food courts.