A Tantalizing Proposition

How fitting that here in our sun-drenched little country, the three aspiring Presidential candidates are all called Tan. Tony Tan, Tan Kin Lian and Tan Cheng Bock. Tan, Tan and more Tan. Whatever we do, whatever precautions we take, we’re going to end up with a Tan. Ironic, too, that the outgoing President has a surname that could easily be misheard as No Tan. How must he feel now? It’s Tantamount to insurrection!So much for rules on campaigning; what it seems we really need are government-mandated umbrellas, guaranteed shade, complimentary after-sun lotion on ice. Or perhaps we should just act like the large-bellied European gentlemen that you can see on the decks of the cruise ships moored in Keppel Harbour (tip: Take the cable car for a better look); ignoring all medical advice and spending every waking moment actively pursuing a Tan.Just who stands to benefit from this new state of affairs? To our mind, it’s a real opportunity for certain folk to step out from obscurity and enjoy their day in the sun.Sunbed salons. You might think that a tanning salon in Singapore is about as necessary as a cool box at the North Pole, but they exist alright. They do have a hard time with marketing, though. No more! Now they can run a campaign legitimately proclaiming Singapore as the “Country Ruled by Tan!”Tanners. Are there any here? Does the industry even exist anymore? When was the last time you asked someone what they did, and they said “I tan animal hides. Thanks for asking”? Clearly it’s a sector ripe for revival. Singapore Tanners: Serving You All Year Round, Whatever the Leather.Sting. Poor guy. He pens a couple of minor classics, tours the world for a couple of decades, and is still best known for boasting about day-long bedroom sessions with his wife. But with a timely reissue or two he could win over a whole new generation of supporters here in Singapore. First up: A 2012 NDP song titled “Every Little Thing He Does is Tan-tric”. (Hell, even that’d be better than the Fun Pack song.)