London might have its rain, Johannesburg its crime rates, Vancouver its no fun reputation, but seriously, is there any city in the world with a bigger turn off than Singapore’s taxis? Is there anything that can make human blood boil with such rapidity, can crush hopes and dreams with such bleak and infinite finality as trying and failing to find a cab here at rush hour?Granted, this isn’t a new gripe. And yes, we could try booking ahead more often (although that’s just trading hours waiting by the roadside, for hours waiting for the iPhone app to call us back). But lest the authorities think we’re letting this one slide, we’re here to tell them otherwise. And authorities, if you are listening, just think of the all those wasted manhours! This is a simple productivity issue, not a vitriolic column written after yet another nightmarish experience trying to make it home from a night out. (OK, OK, maybe it’s both.)We’re not the type to stand idly by and merely criticize a situation. We want our voices to count. Our campaign pledge: Taxis for All. No Passenger Left Behind.Normally, we’d use this space to suggest ironic solutions to the problem. This time, though, our thinking only went as far as suggesting everyone carry those giant foam hands you see at soccer stadiums with them at all times—that way taxis could no longer sail on by as if they hadn’t spotted us. But we just can’t see them taking off. (Besides, making novelty items from the world of football more widely available isn’t without its perils—remember how much we all loved vuvezelas?) So instead we’re calling for a mass demonstration (you’re not still listening, are you authorities?). Here’s how it’ll work: Don’t take a cab unless you’re going to Ang Mo Kio. Hell, take a cab to Ang Mo Kio even if you’re not going anywhere near Ang Mo Kio. Set your alarm for 3am and take a cab to Ang Mo Kio. Tell your friends to take a cab to Ang Mo Kio. Go to Ang Mo Kio and then take a cab to Ang Mo Kio. Perhaps when the drivers realize how unbelievably frustrating it is to see or hear Ang Mo Kio when you want to go anywhere but Ang Mo Kio, we might finally start making some progress. Altogether now: “Ang Mo Kio.”
