In a week that saw not one, not two, but three grand openings (Avalon, Louis Vuitton and Pangaea, just in case you’ve been living on Mars or in Bishan for the last month), nothing captured the popular imagination quite like trying to guess which celebrity was going to show up at which event and sprinkle their stardust on proceedings. Or rather, that’s what the city’s PR firms would have had us believe.In press release after press release, the big names were spoken of in the kind of reverential tones normally reserved for The Almighty; and simultaneously hyperlinked, bullet-pointed and then openly, and with nary a hint of irony, ranked according to whether they were “international” (Cate Blanchett, for one) or “regional” (Chow Yun Fat and “many others”). Kobe Bryant (international) was the name on everyone’s lips (whether he admitted as much to his wife is less clear), until it became apparent that his various “exclusive guest appearances” were really just stops on his own more or less private tour of the city. He went shoppe-ing at Marina Bay Sands, gave his blessing to Avalon and, for all we know, would have stuck around to officiate at the Night Safari’s Halloween Horrors if it hadn’t been preemptively cancelled.The more frantically the press releases flowed, the more it became apparent that perhaps these just weren’t the sort of names Singaporeans wanted to see. Cate Blanchett was credited as a “Celebrity,” presumably because “Academy Award Winner” just wasn’t impressive enough. The lackluster response to Kobe Bryant’s many appearances suggested the marketing teams would have had more success stoking excitement with a shipment of Kobe Beef (regional). And when the debut gig of lo-fi American indie fave Perfume Genius (international) was cancelled, you had to wonder if ticket sales had stalled once people realized that the show would not feature the ghost of Coco Chanel (international, deceased). Rumors swirled that half of the stars wouldn’t even have been here, had they not been flown all the way to Asia on someone else’s account for an event in Hong Kong earlier in the week. And when Estelle (international, but let’s be honest not all that well known) popped up at the LV party, the reaction was underwhelming. ”Where’s Kanye West?” squealed the partygoers. “How can she sing ‘American Boy’ without him?!”So a tip for next time, party planners. Aim higher. NBA stars aren’t good enough. No-one cares about the Oscars, or your wishy-washy indie musicians. Your press releases already sound as if you’ve booked God (regional, international, pretty much everywhere you look for Him) in for the ribbon cutting. Why not get Kanye along at the same time. You’d only have to hype him slightly more.
