Two is company, 6.9 million is a crowd

How does the government plan to accommodate the extra 1.6 million people it anticipates living here by 2030? Ignore the talk of repurposed golf courses and moved military bases; some redacted sections of their controversial White Paper reveal the real story…

1) Relocate people to the Jurong Rock Caverns. For years we’ve been building some 150 acres worth of mysterious storage space beneath the seabed. Let’s admit it’s not for storing oil, it’s for holding people.

2) Open up the enclosures at the River Safari. The place keeps threatening to open, but never does. Do they even have any animals? In any event, the public likes green spaces so this’ll suit them just fine.

3) Install residential compartments inside MRT carriages. With 56 new lines to be built in the next five years, why would anyone ever need to leave?!

4) Reverse our decision to permit gambling. The gaming floors of MBS and RWS could provide shelter for plenty of people; even more if everyone stands and takes turns sleeping on the baccarat tables.

5) Remove the stuffed corpses of our erstwhile British overlords from the guestrooms at the Tanglin Club (they’ve been lying in state long enough) and let some new foreign residents move in.

6) Put the SuperTrees to better use. OCBC cardholders to have first right of refusal on cozy, pipe-shaped apartments inside them.

6.9) Release the giant ejector seat button installed under Parliament House, and let the suckers left behind deal with the fallout. See you in Bali, baby!