AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): In the early 20th century, many women at the beach covered most of their bodies with swimsuits made of wool. If they went in the water, they’d emerge about 20 pounds heavier. Swimming was a challenge. Your current psychic state has resemblances to what you’d feel like if you were wearing drenched woolen underwear and a drenched woolen clown suit and a drenched woolen robe. My advice? Take it off; take it all off. The astrological omens are clear: Whatever your reasons were for being in this get-up in the first place are no longer valid.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In comedian Sarah Silverman’s memoir, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, she confesses that she was still wetting her bed at age 19. Depression was a constant companion throughout adolescence, and she took a lot of Xanax. Yet somehow she grew into such a formidable adult that she was able to corral God himself to write the afterword for her book. How did she manage that? “This is so trite,” she told Publishers Weekly, “but . . . sex.” I predict that a comparable reversal of fortune is ahead for you, Pisces. Some part of your past will be redeemed, quite possibly with the sexy help of a divine ally.
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19): The age-old question comes up for review once again: Which should predominate, independence or interdependence? The answer is always different, of course, depending on the tenor of the time and the phase of your evolution. But in the coming weeks, at least, my view is that you should put more emphasis on interdependence. I think you’ll reap huge benefits from wholeheartedly blending your energies with allies whose power and intelligence match yours.
TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20): I find many of you Tauruses to be excessively self-effacing. It’s a trait that can be both endearing and maddening. Even as my heart melts in the presence of Bulls who are underestimating their own beauty, I may also feel like grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking some confidence into them, barraging them with frustrated exhortations like “Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, for God’s sake!” But I’m guessing I won’t be tempted to do that anytime soon. You appear to be due for a big influx of self-esteem.
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): It will be good week to let your mind go utterly blank while slouching in front of a TV and sipping warm milk, or to spend hours curled up in a ball under the covers on your bed as you berate yourself with guilty insults for the mistakes you’ve made in your life. NOT! I’m kidding! Please don’t you dare do anything like that. It would be a terrible waste of the rowdy astrological omens that are coming to bear on you. Here are some better ideas: Go seek the fire on the mountain! Create a secret in the sanctuary! Learn a trick in the dark! Find a new emotion in the wilderness! Study the wisest, wildest people you know so that you, too, can be wildly wise!
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22): This would be an excellent week to grieve madly and deeply about the old love affairs that shattered your heart. I’ve rarely seen a better astrological configuration than there is now for purging the residual anguish from those old romantic collapses. So I suggest you conduct a formal ritual that will provide total exorcism and bring you maximum catharsis. Maybe you could build a shrine containing the photos and objects that keep a part of you stuck in the past, and maybe you could find the bold words and innovative gestures that will bid goodbye to them forever. Do you have any intuitions about how to create a rousing healing ceremony?
LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22): The History cable TV channel has a reality TV show called “Ice Road Truckers.” It documents the exploits of drivers who haul heavy loads in their 18-wheelers for long distances across frozen rivers and lakes and swamps in Alaska and northwest Canada. They bring supplies to remote outposts where humans work exotic jobs like mining diamonds and drilling for natural gas. If you have any truck-driving skills, Leo, you’d be a good candidate to apply for a gig on the show. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, your levels of courage and adventurousness will be at an all-time high in 2011. May I suggest, though, that you try to make your romps in the frontier more purely pleasurable than what the ice road truckers have to endure?
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): Pop chanteuse Katy Perry is renowned not only for her singing ability but also for her physical appearance. Her preternatural ability to sell her musical products can be attributed in part to her sparkling good looks and charisma. That’s why it was amusing when her husband, the trickster Russell Brand, Twittered a raw photo of her that he took as she lifted her head off the pillow, awakening from a night of sleep. (See it at tinyurl.com/RealKaty.) Without her make-up, Katy’s visage was spectacularly ordinary. Not ugly, just plain. In accordance with the astrological omens, Virgo, I urge you to do what Russell Brand did: expose the reality that lies beneath and behind the glamorous illusion, either in yourself or anywhere else you find a need.
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): While I was growing up, I was taught to regard my analytical mind as a supreme tool for understanding reality. I’ve never stopped believing that. However, I eventually realized I had to add the following corollaries if I wanted to thrive: 1. My imagination and intuition are as essential to my success as my analytical mind; 2. I need to regularly express my playful, creative urges, and that requires me to sometimes transcend my analytical mind; 3. to maintain my emotional well-being, I have to work with my dreams, which occur in a realm where the analytical mind is not lord and king. Does any of this ring true for you, Libra? Now is an excellent time to cultivate other modes of intelligence besides your analytical mind.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): If you’re planning on spending any time hibernating during the next few months, this would be an excellent time to do it. Your reaction time is slowing down, which is a very healthy thing. Meanwhile, your allergy to civilization is acting up, your head is too full of thoughts you don’t need, and your heart craves a break from the subtle sorrows and trivial tussles of daily life. So go find some sweet silence to hide inside, Scorpio. Treat yourself to a slow-motion glide through the eternal point of view.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): “Dear Rob: All my life I’ve been passionate about the big picture—learning how the universe works, meditating on why things are the way they are, and probing the invisible forces working behind the scenes. Too often, though, I’m so enamored of these expansive concepts that I neglect to pay enough humble attention to myself. It’s embarrassing. Loving the infinite, I scrimp on taking care of the finite. Any advice? – Larger Than Life Sagittarian.” Dear Larger: You’re in luck! Members of the Sagittarian tribe have entered a phase when they can make up for their previous neglect of life-nourishing details. In the coming weeks, I bet you’ll find it as fun and interesting to attend to your own little needs as you normally do to understanding the mysteries of the cosmos.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): All the most credible studies say that the crime rate is steadily decreasing, and yet three out of every four people believe it’s rising. What conclusions can we draw from this curious discrepancy? Here’s one: The majority of the population is predisposed towards pessimism. In my astrological opinion, Capricorn, you can’t afford to be victimized by this mass psychosis. If you are, it will interfere with and probably even stunt the good fortune headed your way. I’m not asking you to be absurdly optimistic. Just try to root out any tendencies you might have to be absurdly gloomy.