Week of September 16, 2005

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sep 22): The planetary omens for you are all about revelation and flashes of insight, so I don’t think I’m being too outrageously optimistic when I predict that the coming days will bring you more “aha!” experiences than you’ve had in the past four months combined. In fact, I’ll be bold and call this Eureka Explosion Week. To get yourself in the mood, read these definitions of the word “epiphany”: a stroke of realization about the meaning of something important; a sudden flow of inspiring knowledge without thought; a perception of a previously hidden reality by means of a burst of intuition.
LIBRA (Sep 23 – Oct 22): Some years ago, I fell in love with the wrong woman. The misadventures that ensued provided me with enough reasons to stay humble forever. The experience was proof that I’m as subject to bouts of self-deception as everyone else in the world. It was also a reminder that while some people might consider me wise, I’m at best an apprentice mage stumbling my way through a crash course in the mysteries of being a human being. My gratitude for all these educational blessings has been enormous. I bring this to your attention, Libra, because now is a good time to marshal your appreciation for comparable pride-leveling events in your own life. Since you’re poised on the verge of a new phase of success, it’s the perfect moment to recall how much you still have to learn.
SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21): Sometime in the coming weeks you could begin a project that will take at least 12 years to complete. Will it be worth spending that much time? I believe it will, though you might not think so now. In fact, you may not even be inclined to launch the project if you imagine it can’t be completed by 2008. From what I can tell, though, the purpose of the long adventure is bigger than you’re able to foresee, and the ways it will change you are important in ways you cannot yet understand.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21): Let’s work on dissolving one of your fears. The time is right: Cosmic forces are aligned to help you pump up your courage. In fact, life is conspiring to bring you experiences that could free you of harmful anxieties and wipe away phobic imprints. So choose a feeling of dread – any feeling of dread – and visualize it embodied in front of you in the form of a specific scene. Now picture the scene unfolding on a large raft at a beach. Start laughing at what’s transpiring; compel yourself to chuckle if necessary, or focus on anything you find ridiculous. Notice that the force of your laughter is propelling the raft out to sea. Keep giggling and guffawing, pushing it further and further out until it disappears over the horizon. Do this exercise once a day until Oct 1.
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19): It’s a ripe moment for you to explore the mysteries of the void. I’m not being glib. You’d really benefit from becoming better friends with emptiness. Your well-being would rise a few levels if you expanded your appreciation for the value of doing nothing and thinking nothing. Do you dare live without your precious opinions and ambitions for a few days? Are you brave enough to gaze into the heart of the great unknown and be free of the need to explain it, change it or judge it?
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 – Feb 18): A few years ago, the CEO of Ford Motors apologized for making SUVs. William Ford even referred to the Excursion, one of his company’s huge pollution generators, as the “Ford Valdez,” associating it with the ship that despoiled the Alaskan environment with an oil spill back in 1989. And yet that didn’t stop Ford from continuing to manufacture gas-guzzlers. He saw the error of his ways but didn’t correct it. Make him your anti-role model in the coming days, Aquarius. After you realize your mistake or excess, be gleefully uninhibited about fixing it and making amends.
PISCES (Feb 19 – Mar 20): A blogger named Allison wrote this about me and my horoscopes at Beautifulsurprise.blogspot.com: “Brezsny’s a little loopy. A little out there. A little ‘I would have stopped for that red light, officer, but little green men from my personal goddess realm on the fifth parallel told my cat that I should be taking echinacea and bee pollen for my sniffles, and I didn’t think it prudent to ignore such a suggestion.'” Here’s my reaction: Like all of us, I periodically come across people who have a very different concept of me than I have of myself, but this discrepancy is extreme. In my own eyes, I’m grounded and full of common sense. And while I appreciate the New Age, I don’t use its vernacular or share all of its values. I mention this, Pisces, as an example of your assignment in the coming week. Identify people with cracked notions about you, and either correct them or separate yourself from them.
ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19): “Something we were withholding made us weak,” wrote poet Robert Frost. I hope you will consider the possibility that this describes your current predicament. It’s my astrological opinion that your strength is being compromised by a feeling you’re not exploring or an experience you’re denying yourself or a gift you’re refusing to give. You may think you’re protecting yourself, but I believe it’s just the reverse. To reclaim the vitality that has been shriveling up, unclench yourself in every way you can imagine.
TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20): I don’t recommend that you aim for Perfection – not now or ever. I’m equally skeptical of you seeking enlightenment, as it’s defined by Eastern religions. Perfection and enlightenment are downright impossible in a world where change is the only constant. What constitutes perfection or enlightenment today won’t be valid tomorrow, when the truth has evolved and God has showered us with an influx of previously unimaginable new circumstances. No, Taurus, what I suggest is that you cultivate love with all your ingenuity – both the capacity to give it and receive it. There’s no other undertaking that does more to build up your power and intelligence. And this week is an ideal time to be living proof of that fact.
GEMINI (May 21 – Jun 20): The Epson laser printer I got for my computer two years ago has worked great. It serves my needs beautifully. Our household also has a newer, more expensive Epson printer, which I bought for another computer, but it doesn’t work nearly as well. Unfortunately, the beloved original now has a malfunction, and I can’t find a single printer repairperson who’ll even try to fix it. They say it’s an antique, and Epson doesn’t make parts for it anymore. Nonetheless, I’m determined to save it. I’m scouring eBay for old parts, and will learn printer repair skills myself if necessary. This is one time when the older version is definitely worth preserving. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Gemini, you’re facing a similar problem with a comparable solution.
CANCER (Jun 21 – Jul 22): “If you want to draw a bird, you must become a bird,” counseled the Japanese artist Hokusai. Indian activist Mahatma Gandhi practiced a related strategy: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” I have yet another perspective to add to the mix: Become more like the people you admire most. Place these three suggestions at the core of your daily rhythm in the coming week, Cancer.
LEO (Jul 23 – Aug 22): “It ain’t cheating if you don’t get caught,” said baseball star Billy Martin, who was renowned for his belligerent trickster shtick. Trainer Victor Conte, who has been accused of providing steroids to professional baseball players, offers a different angle: “It’s not cheating if everyone is doing it.” I beg you to disavow their beliefs, Leo. While it’s true that everyone is doing the kind of fudging you’re contemplating, and though you probably wouldn’t be caught, to do so would be bad for your karma, your dharma, your charisma and your ability to attract what you need. Be stupendously ethical and sublimely impeccable.