LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): U.S. Patent number 5,996,568 is an apparatus for safely shooting hot dogs into a crowd. Patent 4,834,212 is a device into which someone can scream and howl without bothering anyone nearby, allowing her to vent pent-up emotions. Patent 2,272,154 is a ladder that spiders can use to climb out of a bath. Patent 4,247,283 is a gadget that allows a trumpet to be used as a flamethrower while being played. These are exactly the kinds of imaginative innovations I urge you to work on, Libra.

Disgruntled Artist #1: Hey dude, have you heard the latest news? The Land Transport Authority is looking for artists to contribute artworks for upcoming Circle Line stations like Marymount, Lorong Chuan and Bartley. This is could be my big break! I was rejected to exhibit at the North East Line (NEL) stations, and was flat out denied an interview by the Singapore Biennale. But I’m sure they’ll be interested this time!Disgruntled Artist #2: Man, you seem too optimistic.

Singapore should be next stop for the most famous mouse on earth, if the proposal to open Disneyland at the Marina Bay Golf Course near Tanjong Rhu and the Integrated Resorts (IR) takes off. This is exciting news for fans of the beloved cartoon character, who no longer have to fly to Hong Kong to watch Mickey and company live in action, or wait for the annual Disney On Ice performance to come to town.

Singapore’s Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew recently commented that the country doesn’t possess a culture of its own. We, however, respectfully disagree, and feel that we have a very telling way of life that’s completely idiosyncratic to our sunny little island. We also believe that, like any other guest, you, our esteemed, international banking visitors, would want to immerse yourself in our culture, so here we have a little quiz for you to see just how “Singaporean” you are.What do you do if you see someone littering in public?A) Confront them about it.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): There was one main reason why America’s founding fathers gave Thomas Jefferson, not Benjamin Franklin, the job of composing the Declaration of Independence in 1776. They were afraid that Franklin, a compulsive teaser and trickster, would slip jokes into the document. In my opinion, we Americans would have been better served if Franklin had been chosen and allowed to mess around. After all, even the most profound commitments and weighty situations benefit from the leavening power of humor.

Being the inquisitive bunch that we are, we were doing a little reading up on the IMF. As most of you probably already know, NGOs lobbying inside the Suntec Convention Centre are required to abide by our Miscellaneous Offences Act, which essentially safeguards public behavior. What you might not be aware of, however, are some of its quirkier clauses. The list below contains a mix of guidelines taken verbatim from the Act, plus some that we have made up ourselves.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing,” said motivational author Dale Carnegie. Those should be your words to live by for the rest of 2006. It’s time for you to become almost ruthless in your intention to enjoy yourself as you carry out your life’s work. I’m tempted to go so far as to say that you should disentangle yourself from any commitment in which duty overshadows pleasure. Your drive to do good deeds and be of use to people will ultimately fall short unless you love what you do.

TO: Lee Kuan Yew Fan ClubFR: A hip and happening citizenRE: Application for membershipI hope you will consider this application for membership in your esteemed organization. I’ve been a big fan of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew ever since his days as Prime Minister. But when I read his recent comments saying that Singapore needed to become more of a “buzz” city, I couldn’t help but write in and offer a couple of suggestions (reason enough for our first intro, no?). He must be a busy man, and I was surprised he took time to visit Clarke Quay recently.

This year’s National Day Parade (NDP), the last to be held at the National Stadium, should’ve been a grand ol’ affair. It should’ve had something astonishingly different to mark this milestone. It should’ve gone out with a huge bang. Instead, what we got was a drone of familiarity, with the concept and staging evoking a strange sense of déja vu. Vernon Sum Chun Wei, who wrote to the newspaper last week, echoed this, stating that the parade “featured all the same old march-past, flashcards, aerial display of planes and parachutists, and fireworks.

LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22): “Raising kids is like making pancakes,” muses Brian Copeland in his show Not a Genuine Black Man. “You always mess up the first one.” A similar idea might apply to a certain multi-pronged project you’ve been working on, Leo. I’m not saying you should abandon or throw away your initial effort. On the contrary, like rookie parents whose inexperience has slightly tweaked their first-born, you should be thorough in trying to undo your mistakes.