AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Your whole life passed before your eyes in a flash, and yet you survived. The veil parted and revealed sights too weird and wonderful to consciously register, changing you in ways that won’t fully sink in for months. Now you may feel as if you’re waking up at 3 p.m. after an all-night binge. You might be so overloaded with uncanny new wisdom that you don’t quite know what practical use to make of it all yet. But have no fear: As your birthday approaches, you’ll begin to understand the teachings you didn’t even know you absorbed.

Yeah, yeah—like you don’t make resolutions every year. Resolutions are just mankind’s sadistic little way of disappointing itself. We’ve yet to meet anyone who’s kept theirs for more than a week—but we are willing to try and break that record this year. Joining the fray of the ridiculously optimistic, we’ve come up with our very own list of Page 3 resolutions because we’re sure there’re some things that we could do better in 2007, believe it or not.For a start, we could be nicer.

Two weeks into 2007 and everyone’s finally sobering up from that post-holiday lull.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Your power animal in 2007 will be the hare, whose front legs are shorter than its back legs, allowing it to run uphill with exceptional speed. What this means, Capricorn, is that while you will have more ascents to make than usual in the coming months, you will also be well-equipped to carry them out with efficiency and power. The steep challenges you face might feel daunting to anyone else, but your heightened ability to conquer them will often inspire you to approach them with relish.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Your sins are pretty mild, Capricorn. Still, you have from time to time violated some of your own highest standards; you have on occasion failed to live with impeccable ethical integrity. That’s the bad news. The good news is that in 2007 you will have the best chance ever to atone for past mistakes. If done well, your corrective actions will win you a permanent vacation from the hell that those mistakes have sometimes trapped you in.

While we appreciate Christmas carols for the charm that they bring to the holidays, we in Singapore just cannot relate to some of them—like “The 12 Days of Christmas.” Honestly, who in the world gives someone a partridge in a pear tree for Christmas? And, like, does any department store in Singapore even carry these?Since we’re in a particularly festive mood this week, we decided to work our I-S magic on this famous Christmas carol and turn it into something that, as Singaporeans, we can understand.

So, Malaysia’s Genting International just won the bid to build the much-anticipated Integrated Resort (IR) on Sentosa Island, triumphing over international competitors like Kerzner International and Las Vegas’s Eighth Wonder. This is a step forward for Singapore and Malaysia, as both countries have wanted to collaborate and work together closely to rekindle strained ties.

The rise of singles in Singapore has been a bit of a pain for the government, who would prefer to see more people married and starting families. But as pragmatic as ever, the government has decided to turn a social problem into an economic solution.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): “Whether we are on the threshold of a Golden Age or on the brink of a global cataclysm that will extinguish our civilization is not only unknowable, but undecided,” said Edward Cornish, President of the World Future Society. I bet that in the past year you’ve had comparable fantasies about the fate of your own personal destiny, Sagittarius. At times, it must have seemed as if you were teetering on the brink of a sulfurous abyss that was within shouting distance of the yellow brick road to paradise. Talk about conflicting emotions!