Ask The Sex Experts (Question 2)

Question 2:
I work in PR, which means I should know how to read women’s signals very well, right? Well, I don’t know if I’m just unlucky or if women these days are getting more complicated. Two weeks ago, I asked this girl I’d met on Twitter to watch some DVDs at my place. Halfway through a movie, I placed a hand on her thigh and she freaked out. That’s not the only time something like this has happened. A girl I’d only known for five minutes at a club asked me for coffee after a night of dancing and when I leant in for a kiss after sending her home, she snubbed me. What the hell is going on?

Violet Lim There could only be two things that are happening here. First, you could be assuming too much. Second, the girls might like you when they first get to know you but as the date proceeds, they realize that they do not want to have anything more to do with you, hence their reactions. Either way, the common denominator here is you. Take responsibility rather than allocate the blame. I advise you to reassess yourself, your life, as well as your dating aspirations. Are you just looking to sleep with women on a first date? Or are you looking to settle down eventually and be in a lasting and committed relationship? Because if it’s the latter, it’s time you rein in those raging hormones and spend more time getting to know her better on the first date.

David Tian, Ph.D. Sir, you’re meeting women off Twitter? Ah, a sign of the times. When a woman comes on really strong, let her lead. Obviously, she’s comfortable doing so. In situations when the lady is the one escalating things, if she hasn’t put a hand on your thigh yet, don’t start touching her thigh. If she hasn’t started kissing you, don’t lean in for a kiss yet. Just follow her lead, be patient and the magic will happen. Don’t jump all over her or you’ll make her feel like a slut.

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim Perhaps you have a cold and clammy hand or bad breath. Why don’t you just say, “Would you like me to f**k you?” or “Would you like it in the front or back?” Don’t waste time. Life is too short. You don’t have to go to a DVD shop or have coffee after dancing. Just make your intentions known with a simple question.

Dr. Martha LeeYou may be a PR executive but that does not mean the skill sets you have honed for work are always transferable to your personal life. In the future, you do not want to make the assumption that just because a woman agrees to watch DVDs at your place, it means that she wants to be touched in any form or manner. As for the second incident you described, the girl asked you for coffee because she wanted to get to know you outside of the club—plain and simple. You sent her home but that didn’t mean she was ready to be kissed. You could have asked, “Can I have a kiss?” She would have replied either yes or no. When in doubt, ask. The consent has to be explicit.

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