To: Lee Kuan Yew Fan Club

TO: Lee Kuan Yew Fan ClubFR: A hip and happening citizenRE: Application for membershipI hope you will consider this application for membership in your esteemed organization. I’ve been a big fan of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew ever since his days as Prime Minister. But when I read his recent comments saying that Singapore needed to become more of a “buzz” city, I couldn’t help but write in and offer a couple of suggestions (reason enough for our first intro, no?). He must be a busy man, and I was surprised he took time to visit Clarke Quay recently. I mean, how cool is that?It was especially liberating when he gave the thumbs up to the topless Crazy Horse revue—after all, what better way for us to become the “Paris of the East” than to import some foreign talent? (Hey, kills two birds with one stone!) I was thinking, if Crazy Horse is a step in the right direction, maybe we could turn our red light district of Geylang into the Amsterdam of the East. Instead of boring ol’ solicitations, let’s have those huge windows displaying our girls as they strut their stuff. Plus, I’m sure there’s a reality show concept there just waiting to happen.Also, if you hadn’t already heard, the whole hookah (read: shisha) trend on Arab Street is very interesting too, with lots of Singaporeans going down there for their fix of nicotine and hummus. But more than just that, the whole vicinity is the place to be as there are lots of groovy fashion and lifestyle boutiques to be found there. Certainly, hookahs and fashion are more glamorous than old ah peks sitting around puffing away with their completely unglamorous cigarettes at kopi tiams. So I say, hookahs at every coffee shop now! And as an added bonus, the move might even appease some of the unhappiness over the recent smoking ban at eateries. Again, kills two birds with one stone. Gosh, I’m getting pretty good at this.And why confine all the aspects that make Clarke Quay so cool to just that one location? Imagine—Sentosa’s musical fountain, sponsored by Hooters. You’ll have your colorful, dazzling display with its magnificent light and sound, plus a wet T-shirt contest to go along with it. Also, if Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s “Mee Siam Mai Hum (No Cockles in My Mee Siam)” remix on Mr. Brown’s podcast is anything to go by, I think he’s got quite the sideline career in hip hop music. Nothing will generate more “buzz” than a city where our leader’s also a celebrity. Just ask the good people of California!I hope this application shows my sincerity in keeping Singapore a dynamic and vibrant place. Please let me know the joining fees, and where I can get my official T-shirt.