Maid for Each Other

A photo showing a maid trailing behind a national serviceman, carrying his field pack while he fiddles with his phone, has drawn the ire of many folk who see it as further proof that we’re becoming a nation of softies. But what’s the big deal? The role of maids has been expanding in recent years. No longer will they only sweep your floor and hang your underwear out to dry. These days, you can pretty much outsource every aspect of your life to them. Don’t have one? You’re missing out. Here’s just a few of the things they can do.Ready Maid Body Too busy to work out? Bored of your usual gym routine? Give this new service from Abs Maids a go. While you’re fast asleep a pair of maids will put your body through its paces (not in that way… honestly, you and your dirty mind). All the aggression they’ve accumulated toward you thanks to your thoughtless behavior during daylight hours is put to good use, as they pummel your stomach into submission.Maid in China Want some cheap clothes, the latest fake DVDs or some dodgy baby milk formula? Ask politely and your maid may be willing to travel to China on your behalf. Already, budget airlines are offering special “lazy bastard” fares for just such situations.Kissed and Maid Up Fallen out with your partner? Regret what you said? Why not send in the maid to do the dirty work of making things right? Arguably less useful if you’re a girl and the reason you fell out with your partner was his infidelity.Tailor Maid Suits A tricky one this, particularly when it comes to getting measured up. Although the jacket will fit perfectly, the trousers are often somewhat loose around the crotch; since the tailor in question is loathe to feel up her employer. On the other hand, she’s seen you getting dressed every day and knows what looks good on you better than you do yourself.