Parade of Bad Dreams

Oh, joy. The Chingay Parade is about to hit Orchard Road yet again for another round of oddly designed and eyebrow raising costumes, painfully horrid music, sweaty crowds, and, of course, blindingly gaudy floats—all in the spirit of bringing Singaporeans together! Now, forgive us our cynicism, but we fail to see just how all of that is supposed to inspire us to come together, instead of sending us running a mile.In all seriousness though, we think Chingay is a good idea; it’s just that the execution could use a little bit of work. Naturally, we came up with a list of things that we would rather see, instead of another year of floats sponsored by NATAS Travel.• Enough with those annoyingly jovial “Gods of Fortune” already. You want a real representation of prosperity? Get a whole bunch of dancers dressed up as digits to randomly form 4D numbers—and watch the punters place their bets.• Keep the P65 MPs performing throughout the entire parade. Whether the other acts are any good wouldn’t matter, because everyone would be too busy laughing their heads off.• Have a “GST Hike” float manned by the Ministry of Finance. Followed closely by the “Increase Salaries” float manned by the Workers’ Party.• Channel some of the spirit of Mardi Gras and give all the former Crazy Horse dancers their own float. If we can’t have nice costumes, why even bother with costumes at all, we say.• Get Ministry of Sound or Zouk to do up a float, replete with thumping dance music and sexy dancers, to show how happening this city really is.• Put the “gay” into “Chingay.” Allow to organize a performance. The next float would offer CPR for any heartlanders in need of resuscitation.