Pay Up

Singapore ministers will be getting a hefty pay rise as part of a controversial ministerial salary hike that has infuriated many. MM Lee, who stands to earn at least $3 million with the hike, said in its defense that Singapore needs “an extraordinary government with extraordinary government officers to support it.” In coming up with the ministerial and civil service pay rise, the government created a wage formula where a higher percentage of pay is now linked to performance. Here are a few permutations they missed out on:• (Price of chicken rice)6 million ÷ Number of cabs found between 11am-midnight• |Peanuts| = Number of gold taps in Singapore (Donation to charity organization^1 + Donation to charity organization^2 + … )• [(Number of people drinking a tall latte ÷ Number of people downing kopi) x Number of times MM Lee says how great the government is]800 • ∫[Number of ang mohs in condos x Number of locals in HDB flats] dx• [Credit card bills of a yuppie x Number of people queuing at banks during lunch]2 ÷ Log (Number of security guards who are actually working and not sleeping)• [Record speed of an F1 car racer per hour ÷ Speed a phone-crazy teenager sms-es per second]∞• [√Rate at which buildings are demolished x pace of a businessman walking in Shenton Way] x Number of times the issue of money is discussed in coffee shops• [Number of cigarettes stubbed out every day ÷ Number of times people MSN in office every day] x Number of overpaid and underworked ministers• [Number of abandoned TODAY newspapers x Number of times the word “government” appears in The Straits Times] ÷ Number of animals put to sleep in SPCA per year