Diamonds are forever, they say, though in the week of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s prim, white haired old ladies who’ll survive until the end of time.In the lead-up to the big event, our crack(pot) roving royal reporter, Mr Rich Chap, has been taking the monarchy’s pulse around Singapore; finding out what survives of the old Empire and how being an outpost of the “old firm” is still relevant today. Here’s an excerpt of the transcript.Rich Chap: [politely] Excuse me, good sir. We’re asking local folks like yourself a few questions. What does the Commonwealth mean to you?Local Guy: Ah, very nice that Commonwealth. Peanut pancake at Tanglin Halt. Shiok!RC: [amused] No, no. Not the place Commonwealth. The Commonwealth. The loose affiliation of places presided over by the Queen.LG: Queenstown, is it? Also very nice. But no more bowling alley…Sian.RC: [getting flustered] Jesus.LG: Also very nice.RC: [increasingly shrill] No, god, just no! Never mind. You know they’re having a big bash in London this weekend?LG: I know! But so many on drugs lah, I don’t watch.RC: [steam emerging from his top hat] What? No, not the Olympics. Oh, forget it. Are you excited about William and Kate’s visit later this year?LG: Oh wait, I know this one! She’s the one with the nice ass, right?RC: [face redder than the Union Jack] No! I mean yes. I mean no. That’s her sister. For god’s sake. How about Charles? Do you think his choice of partner was a little off?LG: Charles & Keith are brothers, lah. No choice.RC: [about to self-combust] What is wrong with you?! Charles. Charles Windsor. The Prince of Wales!LG: Oh! Now then you say! Very nice pub. Very good for football.RC: [just a posh, smouldering pile of ashes] How dare you! This is the heir to the throne we’re talking about! This is no game.LG: OK, OK, calm down. Season Two very disappointing. No Ned Stark. But Prince Joffrey is good, right? So fierce. Wah, sometimes I wish kings and queens really existed.
