Top City

Singapore has featured in yet another survey. This time a human resource consultancy has found ours to be Asia’s top city to live in. We don’t care who else they asked, they did not ask us. We use their criteria—and give you the inside story.Political and social environment: The political environment is as stable as Everest. Law enforcement is superb—just try overstaying your parking coupon.Socio-cultural environment: Strict control of what can be seen and heard ensures Singaporeans’ maturity peaks at six years. There is complete freedom to shop.Medical and health considerations: Medical help is readily available, but queue time depends on finances. Infectious diseases are minimized—except in cases of stupidity, subservience and silence.Schools and education: Schools produce a homogenous populace. The best schools have the fewest places—to ensure a homogenous populace.Public services and transportation: There’s enough power to light up the skyline, enough water to feed the Suntec fountain, enough buses at off-peak hours, enough taxis before 11pm, and traffic jams even during ERP hours.Recreation: Restaurants abound in every shopping mall. Cinemas all show the same five films, so you need not go far for a movie. We have more sports facilities than medal-winning athletes. The major leisure activity is surfing between Channels 5, 8 and U.Housing: Homogenous humans live in homogenous housing. Most households have TV, fridge, aircon, Internet. Few have bookshelves. Furniture readily found at chain furniture outlets—compact furniture is best seller.Natural environment: Homogenous climate 24/7, with no risk of earthquake, tsunami, hailstorm, typhoon, hurricane etc. The only likely disasters are the deaths of intelligence and individuality.Latest: A study by another human resource firm finds Singaporeans to be Asia’s most overworked and burnt-out employees. We rest our case.