London might have its rain, Johannesburg its crime rates, Vancouver its no fun reputation, but seriously, is there any city in the world with a bigger turn off than Singapore’s taxis? Is there anything that can make human blood boil with such rapidity, can crush hopes and dreams with such bleak and infinite finality as trying and failing to find a cab here at rush hour?Granted, this isn’t a new gripe. And yes, we could try booking ahead more often (although that’s just trading hours waiting by the roadside, for hours waiting for the iPhone app to call us back).

A recent rally against the infamous Samantha’s on air rant against uncultured heartlanders lowering the tone in Holland V failed to attract more than 100-odd participants. (So damn disorganized those heartlanders!) This despite almost 3,000 people ticking the “I will be attending box” on Facebook.

A photo showing a maid trailing behind a national serviceman, carrying his field pack while he fiddles with his phone, has drawn the ire of many folk who see it as further proof that we’re becoming a nation of softies. But what’s the big deal? The role of maids has been expanding in recent years. No longer will they only sweep your floor and hang your underwear out to dry. These days, you can pretty much outsource every aspect of your life to them. Don’t have one? You’re missing out. Here’s just a few of the things they can do.Ready Maid Body Too busy to work out?

Ordinarily, we’d wait until April 1 to tell you who to prank and how to do it. But you know what they say about any April Fools tricks you attempt after noon—the joke’s on you. And since the next issue of I-S isn’t out until that Friday, there’s every chance you’ll have missed your chance by the time you read it. Besides, you need time to pick your target and ready your weapons of mirth. A week’s notice also means you can use our new Tech Guide (It’s free to download!

Voting’s a funny business. This year’s I-S Readers Choice awards attracted more votes than ever before, yet many categories saw only narrow victories for the ultimate winners. In one case, results were tied right up until the final hour. (No recounts, sorry!)Close calls like this are fun, but as Muammar Gaddafi can testify, total domination rules. With that in mind, we offer this year’s runners-up some tips on how to whitewash next year’s awards. Want to crush the local F&B scene? Fancy humiliating the city’s other boutique stores by garnering 99% of the vote? Here’s how:1.

The Durian Revolution was an unpopular uprising originating in the South-east Asian city-state of Singapore in the early months of 2011. So named because of the prickly personalities involved and a result which many thought stank.Origins Misunderstanding contemporaneous events in the Arab world, more than a dozen members of a leading opposition party decided to resign only weeks before a general election.

Working for the Road Safety Council (RSC) must be one of the nation’s most thankless tasks. A voluntary course launched in December to prepare motorcyclists for the expressway has only been taken up by 38 percent of new riders. A mock obituary for a drink driving victim drew more comments for what it allegedly did wrong—including a disclaimer stating that the person featured was fictitious—than what it did right. Meanwhile, the dailies continue to revel in pictures of crumpled cars and roadside bodybags.Dangerous driving is no laughing matter.

Disappointing news this week. Word reaches us that Singapore ranked only second in a worldwide survey to find the countries that worry the most about survey results. The Association of Serious Surveys found that while Singaporeans like to know how they measure up on the global yardstick, they tend to work too hard to improve their results year-on-year. The ASS report pointed out that this was not the point of such surveys; whose principal goals were humiliation disguised as statistical analysis, and elevated levels of first world smugness.

Popular gay hookup app Grindr will soon be going straight. Whether it’ll catch on here is another matter. A program that identifies all the available people within 400 yards of where you’re standing would surely overload pretty quickly, what with our soaring singleton status. Besides, we’re sensitive souls here in Singapore (or at least that’s what it says on our Grindr profile…)—is a quick fumble in the bathroom stalls really what we’re after?

So Chinese New Year approaches and the city grinds to a halt (though it’s really only the taxis that halt and our teeth that do the grinding). With all this time on our hands, and family members we’d previously forgotten coming round to toast the New Year and drive us insane (hi Gran!), the temptation to stay in touch with the outside world via Twitter will be hard to resist.