How fitting that here in our sun-drenched little country, the three aspiring Presidential candidates are all called Tan. Tony Tan, Tan Kin Lian and Tan Cheng Bock. Tan, Tan and more Tan. Whatever we do, whatever precautions we take, we’re going to end up with a Tan. Ironic, too, that the outgoing President has a surname that could easily be misheard as No Tan. How must he feel now? It’s Tantamount to insurrection!So much for rules on campaigning; what it seems we really need are government-mandated umbrellas, guaranteed shade, complimentary after-sun lotion on ice.

Dear Singapore Land Authority (SLA) and Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA),First things first. Have you ever considered formally combining forces? You could be the Urban Redevelopment of Singapore’s Undeveloped Land Authority, or URSULA for short.Now on to more serious matters. It has come to our attention that you have recently come into possession of a rather special plot of land.

The “perennial debate” over whether maids should or should not be guaranteed at least one rest day a week has apparently been “reignited,” with the Ministry of Manpower indicating that it will be consulting employers, agencies and non-governmental organizations on the issue. But in the pantheon of unnecessary reignitions, surely this is up there with Guy Fawkes asking the guys stoking his bonfire if they wouldn’t mind giving it another go as it’s getting a bit chilly atop the pyre.Really, Singapore?

As soundbites go, telling people that wives must “serve their husbands better than first-class prostitutes” takes some beating. (Although perhaps beating isn’t the best choice of words in this situation.) That’s what Rohaya Mohamed, VP of the now notorious Obedient Wives Club, officially launched in Malaysia earlier this month, said she saw as the solution to marital meltdowns and social ills. To avoid being misunderstood (heaven forbid), she went on to say that “a good wife is a good sex worker to her husband” and then asked “What is wrong with being a whore ...

There’s a scene in JJ Abrams’ latest movie, Super 8, in which all the town’s dogs are seen running away, abandoning their owners to the fate they don’t yet know is coming. (Incidentally, we give the film a 0 star. Other staff members swear it’s an impressive, if somewhat imperfect, 4 star effort, marked with flashes of real genius. But hey, that’s joy of not being ruled by the consensus.) Anyway, the dogs run away because they’ve sensed something the townsfolk are yet to cotton on to.

Pop-up stores, pop-up coffee bars, pop-up beer dispensers. The city’s gone pop-up mad. There’s a unit just off Orchard that … oops, no, it’s gone already. It’s now at … oh, forget it, we can’t keep track. We can, however, exclusively reveal that next week there’ll be a pop-up sheep-shearing stall in front of Marina Bay Sands, and the following week a pop-up prison operating out of a taxi parked behind Fort Canning. You heard it here first.What is it with brands and pop-ups these days? It’s like they’ve taken the old Pringles motto “Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop” to heart.

So Arnold Schwarzenegger was a no-show at the official opening of Universal Studios last weekend. Poor guy’s got a lot on his plate right now, what with the admission he fathered a love child, a collapsing marriage and having to withdraw from the next Terminator flick, but frankly none of that is an excuse for sending Paula Abdul in your place. One’s an idol to wannabe stars worldwide, the other’s a wannabe star for would-be idols—no contest.

This week, following a furor in the run up to the election, we learnt that our ministers’ salaries, and for that matter the President’s too, are no longer to be pegged to the high end of the private sector. Governmental service, so the thinking now goes, should involve a degree of sacrifice, an acknowledgement that you’re not working entirely for fiscal gain. “It’s not a job or career promotion,” said PM Lee.

While everyone here’s been busy talking about our election (incidentally, is there any other country where a football stadium attracts more supporters for a rally than for a match?), elsewhere in the world everyone seems to be talking about us.The New York Times dropped by for 36 hours and wrote up a little itinerary. Yet while we can’t fault their recommendations (though we do hope that Wild Oats and Kith Café don’t get overrun with tourists just yet...), one glaring error speaks volumes.

This May has many Days. First there was Labour Day, then, in quick succession, there’s Vesak Day and Mother’s Day in a couple of weeks. Tomorrow’s Polling Day. And lest you think today’s just any ordinary Friday, think again. Today is Cooling Off Day.Not quite the local equivalent of Songkran (nowhere close, actually), nor a euphemism for quality self-love time. It’s a day (the first time ever in the history of local general elections) set aside for a break from all the electioneering, hustings and hectoring 24 hours before Polling Day.