Impossible Projects Worldwide was this week appointed as agency of choice for the global repositioning of Lunch.

Account director IM Famished says, “For years customers have been abandoning Lunch in favor of sexier, stupider upstart rivals. Brands like Brunch have acquired a huge market share by appealing to the lazy weekend crowd with overpriced eggs benny and Champagne on toast. Meanwhile Snacks and even Gym-Time have eaten into Lunch’s once dominant daily position. Our challenge is to get people eating at noon again.”

It’s OK, Singapore. You’re pushing 50 now. No one expects you to find things as easy as you once did. Nothing seems as good as it did back when you were young. Prices seem so much higher. Kids so much more troublesome. It’s no surprise you’re looking a little frazzled.

It’s summer time, which can only mean one thing. It’s silly sequel season! Now’s the time when Hollywood crank out the latest instalments of their biggest franchises. If it’s not Thor 2, it’s the latest Wolverine. It’s Red 2 and Fast and Furious 6. It’s Iron Man 3, Despicable Me 2, Kick-Ass 2, and the new Riddick. (Yes, apparently they’re still making those.) So what have the studios here been working on? Mark your calendars, book those seats and start saving for the popcorn now...Singapore 48 The world’s longest running lightweight action farce is back!

Another year, another half-assed nursery rhyme masquerading as an NDP theme song (sample lyric: “I’m just a tiny thing, here I am, I can bravely sing”). Indeed, ‘One Singapore’ is about as exciting as the reusable goodie bags that will be handed out to spectators at the parade: is it a backpack? is it a sling? does anyone care?

Now that the haze has finally cleared (and with it the grubby cloud of smugness and finger pointing that had drifted across to Indonesia from our own shores), we got to thinking how much easier it would be if we just blamed other nations for all our problems.

The intolerable arrogance that informs our dealings with all of our near-neighbors? That’s not our fault—we just picked it up from our erstwhile colonial overlords in England. That and the nasty habit of Singaporean men ignoring their spouses for the duration of the Premier League season. Don’t blame us—blame the Brits!

So PM Lee won’t say he’s worth the money he gets paid, but he won’t say he isn’t either. He will say it’s worth paying someone a lot of money to do his job, because if you don’t you won’t get the best person you possibly could. But, come now friends, he’s not saying he’s the best. And he’s definitely not saying how much he gets paid, and absolutely not confirming—to the BBC or anyone else—that he’s the highest paid head of government in the world, because then, if if it were true, you’d know he thinks he’s the best.

Like many local news portals, blogs and websites our thoughts have of late been dominated by a truly shocking and unexpected development. A turn of events so dark and twisted it brought many of us together in shared outrage. Some of us chose to go offline for a day in solidarity. Others gathered publicly to express their anger. Together, we vowed never to let our guard down again.

Ask an expat what he likes most about Singapore, and chances are the answer will be “How easy it is to get away!”

It’s the end of an era. After three decades in the game, two titans of their game are stepping down. In one corner we have Sir Alex Ferguson, Manager of Manchester United and a legend in his own lifetime. In the other, we have… Singa the Courtesy Lion, Manager of Manners and erstwhile mane man.

Both parties have talked about being exhausted after years of struggling to make people see things their way; and said they need a break. Between us? We’re just waiting for them to admit that they’ve simply decided to switch roles.

It’s that time again! That time when we run out of time to prepare a proper editorial and so revert to a multiple choice news quiz! Pencils at the ready…

1) In this year’s May Day Speech, PM Lee assured us he was strengthening what?

a. His glutes, in time for the Sundown Marathon
b. Social safety nets
c. The bullet-proof, gold-plated toilet door at the Istana

2) How did the owner of a $1M Ferrari discover that valets at RWS had taken his car for an hour-long joyride last week?